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I feel like something is missing from the very middle of me. I feel empty inside. The longing for a baby gets stronger and stronger every month. But so does the disappointment. When I get my period, my heart drops. I cry. I get moody and emotional. People think it’s just my period making me that way, but it’s so much more. It’s the sound of my hopes and dreams shattering as they hit the floor.
https://mississippideltamom.wordpress.com/2021/07/07/the-struggle-with-infertility
Keywords: life at 40 , growing up , motherhood , woman
I peer back into the past to see if I can catch a glimpse of an earlier version of me, but that person was young and full of insecurities. And our dreams no longer match up. I’m wiser now, rounder in both body and spirit, and with mileage in my soul, I see barely a shadow of myself in the younger version of me. Like an oak tree contemplating an acorn I suppose. There is something quite liberating in this activity though. Pleasure floods through me when I realise I am no longer as fragile, no longer as desperate to be liked or no longer as hungry to make my mark on the world. I am, I come to a startling conclusion, content. I mull this concept around in my mind for a while. Contentment. It is so far from what I think I wanted in life, and yet, I like the way it feels. Smooth. Pleasing. Comfortable. I’m shrugging this on, like my new furry coatigan, while I work out what I want to do for this next stage of my life. How I want to spend my time and energy, which is less boundless than it once was. And I come to the conclusion that this stage of life is a gift. An opportunity to think again about where to direct oneself. It comes with the acceptance that there is no destination that does not fly past before you’ve had time to unpack and change the bed linen. Life is flow. Life is motion. Life is what happens between events. Life must be lived in the moment.
https://sharlenezeederberg.com/2021/06/15/growing-up
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This interaction made me think about my reasoning behind my decision regarding having kids. I plan to examine these questions in the coming weeks through this blog. Don’t worry, I’m not changing blog formats again, I’m just examining some questions related to getting back out into the “new normal.”
https://loamericorps1819.wordpress.com/2021/06/14/are-you-kidding-or-not
Keywords: 30years , Commitment issues
Having identified and accepted the problem, I think the next step is dissecting the problem. This should be a slow process that would probably require an aged therapist with glasses and a room with a wall full of books. I don’t have much on my plate right now. I can role play the aged therapist in glasses twice a week. I have all the time to work on myself, to start something and see the end of it or see it through. I will first commit to the healing process. I will start with a small task like working on my weight. Later I will graduate to making sure I utilize this space. I think by the time I am turning 30 which is in a few weeks time, I will have started checking up on people randomly.
https://itskirigo.wordpress.com/2020/05/25/could-be-commitment-issues
Keywords: general , life , writing , blogging , growing up , life , long read , observations , ranting , thoughts , writing
Strength is praised, weaknesses cause irritation and rectification. Flaws are not to be accommodated, only fixed.
https://mattwilliamsonlive.wordpress.com/2021/06/07/reflections-2
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It’s just basic but also cute. I think on my birthday it would just be me and my close cousins having fun the whole day. I mean it’s nice but I was hoping to travel on my birthday and I can’t since there’s a pandemic. I am just thankful to reach the age thirteen and to celebrate my birthday with my family and maybe friends.
https://mariannelia286344076.wordpress.com/2021/06/03/birthday-cake
Keywords: confessional
This is something that I take VERY seriously. It is beyond important to me to stay true and honor my commitments, whatever they may be. So, in order to keep myself on the right track to regaining some semblance of self-care, I am going to make a commitment to myself
https://a-working-home.com/2021/06/02/you-worry-about-yourself
Keywords: adulting , community , country life , great plains , kansas , lifemadeotherplans , midwest , missed meds , moving , small town life , smalltownkansas , spider mom , to the farm
[This home is a] reflection of the community of wonderful, wonderful humans I have known throughout my life. At some point, I will bring this community full circle with a gathering. And hope that new friendships will begin between them.
https://lifemadeotherplans.com/2021/05/22/a-small-beginning
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It’s not that they are not proud to me but I want them to be happy.
https://aboutyourself.law.blog/2021/05/14/all-about-myself
![The freedom to find yourself is a rare thing nowadays — I want [my children] to have an old fashioned childhood, in that sense, and I don’t think that is a bad thing](https://wants.blog/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/20210430_1435482.jpg)
Keywords: About , farm , life , live simply , slow living
Plus it is a journey we can take together. Work towards together, as well as learn alongside each other. And I hope we will achieve it one day!
https://gatherandgroworganic.wordpress.com/2021/05/05/why-we-want-a-farm