I want to want things

Keywords: want , desire , thoughts , levi , engaged

I do not know if I have always done this or if this has just started in the last ten years or maybe less. Something has shifted as I have become an adult paying rent and living on my own. I am more worried and sleep lighter; always on alert. I used to enjoy things, now those things are fewer and further between. I have always enjoyed the activities of those around me, even if I came to be the one leading them, but I am not quite sure which activities I love and which ones I have learned to enjoy because of my social circles. I don’t really like anime, but I was an anime club president for a year and if you would like to watch one I will absolutely watch it with you (“No, you’re right. It was pretty cool.”) I enjoy going out but not as much as I like a small group on the couch chatting and playing games with changing rules. I used to write and sometimes I would paint. I used to make cosplays and try Harry Potter inspired cupcake recipes. I used to sing and laugh at work. When did I become unhappy? When did I stop wanting to be happy enough that I did the things that made me happy?

https://nesaspieces.wordpress.com/2021/02/25/what-do-i-want

I read my books, watch the shows/movies I love, I eat what I want, & I do what I want (which isn’t much)

Keywords: lifestyle , blessed , blog update , bloggerlife , christmas decorating , christmas time , dont understand people , god is good , love my life , true to myself , wordpress

listening to my sister & mom talk about how they need to lose weight & color my mom’s hair & all this because of guys. That just bugged me, I am the type of person who will do something for myself & not for a guy. Well also because I am single & will be single forever. It’s like I want to tell them do what they want for themselves and not for some guy. I just don’t understand them. My grandma isn’t like that at all, she is like me, she will do things because she wants to not because she wants to impress my grandpa. Even when they first started dating she wasn’t like that at all, I’ve heard the stories. haha That is one of the things that made my grandpa fall for her.

https://lifeofjesusita.wordpress.com/2020/12/10/being-true-loving-myself

I want to become a man of character

Keywords: poetry

I want to one day become refined and confident, so as to present my time & myself as a dowry for my wife and future family. I want to become a man of simple means. Not focused on the temporary, material things in life. Not someone trying to get the most out of life, but give the most into life. I want to be happy, really truly happy like I am now. Content in unknowing, joyous in light of the questions that plague men. I want to be free of fear. Free of the chains I have wrapped tightly around my fists that are tied to the things I think ought to keep me safe, things like money. I want to be in love for the rest of my life, not in love with any particular thing, or person, but with existence! In love with life & with love itself. Who do I want to be? I want to be who I am now: K. Mario

Who do you want to become – King Mario (wordpress.com)

I deserve happiness

Keywords: the buildup , encouragment , mental health , rant , trauma , trigger warning , tw suicide , work

I want to have the tangible proof of my existence post-trauma. I want to be holistically evaluated for my progress between 2016 and now. I want to be unconditionally loved. I want to be listened to and believed and respected. These things take so much time. I am such a tired person. I am constantly planning, advocating for myself, and hoping and praying. I work my ass off.

Progress vs. Validation – Victoria Smith (wordpress.com)