I realized that that whole chain of traumatic memories and accompanying feels boiled down to two things for me. Fear of abandonment and rejection. Breaking news: when I boil them down and process them almost ALL of my negative self talk and negative emotions are rooted in those fears. That people I *think* love me will just…leave. And the curtain will fall and it will just be me wondering why I make everyone leave.
Keywords: book review , adulthood , childhood , love , parents , random ramblings , sibling
Now that I think about it, I really don’t remember when was the last time I had a hearty laugh. I envy you sometimes because you used to laugh for anything and nothing but still it used to be very genuine one. Laughing is the best medicine, now I understand why you used to be so healthy and now look at me, I seem like a shop of issues.
I thought [it] was a honorable job. My opinion of law enforcement has changed over the years but I still remember how I felt about the idea of wearing the badge. I used to dream and have aspirations. Why did I stop? I got to the point where my biggest aspiration is making it to my next day off alive. I think that at some point we inadvertently decided that this was it. This mundane lifestyle is all we will ever have. We don’t think that anything can change our lives at this point in the game. We stopped caring and wanting to be better. Having dreams is a let down at this point in our lives.
This is something that I take VERY seriously. It is beyond important to me to stay true and honor my commitments, whatever they may be. So, in order to keep myself on the right track to regaining some semblance of self-care, I am going to make a commitment to myself
The Anne of today, right this very minute, is the caretaker for all the versions of me — past and future. I carry each one of them with me, though I’m not always aware of them. The gift I can give myself each and every day is true compassion and deep love for past, present and future Anne.
My son is my sunshine. He really is making me smile, even when he frustrates me. His smile lights up my world. His questions blow my mind. He still gets piggy back rides from me and he loves them. His hugs are healing. He is so cute and adorable and I love his personality. I see in him his dad’s confidence and my insecurities meshed in one. We have been slacking on positive affirmations but I’m sure to let him know that he makes me happy every chance I got. I don’t play with him enough, especially during Ramadan because I’m so tired, but he has become so emotionally mature that he literally tells me “I want to spend time with you” and when he says that, I do, even if I’m tired.
When my dad and I used to go for coffee and long conversation, he impressed upon me the importance of being a good listener. He told me to always make eye contact, let them know you are listening by nodding your head, asking questions when the narrative was unclear or a term unfamiliar. He said one of the essential parts of being a good listener is that for however long that person is speaking, it is all about them.
Here is a quick video of a show I did the other night in downtown ATL. The show was a nightmare but the brand still showed up and showed out. I’ll fill yall in on what happened at a later date . Just know that God kept me and it’s all a part of a days work as an Entrepreneur! In the meantime please enjoy a sneak peak of the show from the other night.
Quite often, I read headlines that are written by people to whom I have little or no relationship whatsoever about topics & things that do not seem to affect my life in the slightest way imaginable.
Needless to say: I don’t read those articles. Yet those kinds of articles are by no means rare.
Another subset of the vast majority of articles which are completely irrelevant and useless to me are those which are simply a matter of self discovery. In such articles, the author simply comes to a realization about themselves — for example: “I realized today that …” and then “I like chocolate”, “I love beer” or “I cannot live without …” (insert whatever here — though rarely something as reasonable as “breathing air”).
Sorry, but that simply doesn’t matter to me. At all. It’s nice that someone has made a private discovery, but to be honest: there is absolutely no need to make a public statement regarding such a private matter.
If you want me to care about what you’re writing, you will have to explain to me why it should matter to me. Why should I think about it at all? What makes it relevant to my life?