Tag: meaningless

  • My one consistent answer though was … I want to be an actor when I grow up

    My one consistent answer though was … I want to be an actor when I grow up

    Keywords: {0}

    Years later, I was working at Walmart and I had decided that enough was enough! I found out that Niagara College had a new Acting for Film and Television two year program and by Goddess I was going to apply to it! So, I did. I received a notice about the audition process and prepared for it the best I could, and when that day finally came, I walked into one of the classrooms that was being used for auditions and…I gave it my all. I was so nervous! I believe I shook the whole time I stood in front of this crowd of second year students and one of the faculty, I did my monologues and a joke. They genuinely laughed at my joke (the joke came from my daughter a couple days before my audition and I thank her to this day for it). I went home afterwards and tried to put the whole thing out of my mind, I knew I would drive myself crazy if I thought too much about it. I was crazy enough as it was, I didn’t need any help. The audition happened in February and I wouldn’t find out whether I got in or not until a couple months later, the longest damn months of my life! It was 2013 and I turned forty that April, and I can’t remember if the letter came in March or May, but I do recall coming home after picking my daughter up from school and checking the mail box on our way up the front porch. There it was, a large white envelope with Niagara College of Applied Arts and Technology emblazoned in the top corner of it. All I could do was stare at it (this envelope was its own little void), I couldn’t bring myself to open it, I was terrified to learn I had been rejected. My daughter, being ever the voice of reason, said, “Just open it Mom!”. So, I did. Let me tell you, I took my sweet time reading the letter that had been contained in that little void, I read the letter head, I read my name and address (had to make sure they got it correct), and then I let my eyes trail down a little more to where my fate and future hung in the balance. That’s when I saw it, one word that changed everything that day…’ACCEPTED’. I actually screamed and fell to my knees, I cried so hard, my daughter hugged me and then I think I ran back and forth like a cat on speed in the front hallway, just shrieking like a banshee.

    https://sitaspell478061350.wordpress.com/2024/08/22/why-am-i-here-staring-into-the-void-and-it-stared-back

    See also “Voiding and Avoiding the Void” [ https://socio.business.blog/2024/09/20/voiding-and-avoiding-the-void ]

  • I want to be more than just the man who lives under the same roof — I want to be their father

    I want to be more than just the man who lives under the same roof — I want to be their father

    Keywords: Journal Entries Turned to Naratives , personal story , human connections , trials

    I sometimes feel like a stranger, as if no one truly understands how to treat me, reducing our relationship to that of mere roommates. I can’t help but feel unappreciated and unknown.

    https://almensbelief.wordpress.com/2023/05/17/rediscovering-meaning-in-lifes-emptiness
  • I want some purpose

    Keywords: {0}

    to be in touch with nature, to do things much more traditionally. To ditch the TV, the busy traffic, social media, and to get out there and do things. My yearning for more, something actually meaningful is becoming overwhelming and actually frustratingly depressing. The more time that goes by that I’m deprived of my natural gender role, the more my natural instincts are kicking in, the more frustrated and discontent I am becoming with life, the less bright I see my future becoming. I know, such a morbid post, but I’m just bluntly and simply expressing my thoughts and feelings as a woman in my circumstances and in this day and age, I know I am not alone.

    https://1juhd75jnw84nghas5.wordpress.com/2021/07/06/first-post-female-frustations