Keywords: Life in general , Personal Growth
For years I had disconnected myself from my own needs. I had found that ignoring them was a survival strategy, experience had taught me that I was safer that way. This wasn’t a sustainable approach. I’d become so good at hiding and ignoring my needs that I spent years going through life numb to the good experiences I should have been having. All my actions were routed in expectations and obligations. When that got too much for me I turned to food, drink and drugs to fuel actions. It was ok that I needed to spend the day in bed, it was a hangover rather than depression caused by my unhealed trauma. It’s fine that I drank before I went out, that was me being savvy with money as I wouldn’t spend so much at the club. My binge eating was tied to the days when I was suffering malnutrition from before my adoption (I don’t recall that, I think I may have made it up. I recall walking to collect water with a container on my head as part of my chores, but never hunger…) and the list of justified negative behaviour that sustained the numbing of my emotions is endless. This was never sustainable, and that’s a good thing.
https://fifipottier.com/2021/09/05/today-everyday-you-matter-are-important
Wants 