The biggest gain through all these losses is arriving at what I really want

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By the time you reach my age, you realise, all those blessed souls who crossed your path, were intimate at some point, you actually perhaps never saw them for who they really were. You only measured them against your ideals and decided if they matched or didn’t. The instances of mismatches thereon only increase incrementally. Meanwhile, you wade through experiences, dreaming, hoping, hurting, healing. They alter you in more ways than you realise or dare to. So far so good. If I have reached a point in my life to spread the pearls of my wisdom you would think I would have made something out for myself at the least. I am afraid the answer still remains a disappointing no. Once you arrive at knowing what you want, it is hard to hold on to your patience. It feels similar to running the last lap of an ardous marathon close to the finish line. It is hard to carry on. You want to give up, You are worn. You want to throw in the towel. You are exhausted. And voila comes some rare insight. You are not done yet.

https://sayantaniupcloseandpersonal.com/2021/12/03/life-as-it-happens

I want to be back where, once upon a time, the previous “me” used to be

Keywords: Stories of my life – some , coping , grief journey , joy , loss

The “me” in this photo is almost the “me” before my parents died. This “me” is the one who almost always had an inner joy. Even on the darkest day, this “me” could talk myself out of despair. The current me is “walking a narrow path through the loss………taking sips of sorrow…..” as Julia Alvarez says in her beautiful novel Afterlife.

https://what-mama-thinks.com/2021/11/20/a-place-where-i-want-to-be

Broke without a plan at all

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 I have no idea where to start. I really don’t even want to. I don’t have the energy to continue to fight if I were to lose much more.

But I can’t exactly just sit in this same spot for the rest of my life. I just wish I knew how to do this. Any of it. I wish I knew how to pick myself up and be the same person I was before. But I just don’t know how.

What’s to plan? – The Story of Purple Stars (home.blog)