These are my recent thoughts, take it or leave it

Keywords: depression , emotions , fear , hopelessness , life , lost , wonder

I fear that I’ll never find that soulmate and have another family. I’ve always gravitated toward people who have maternal traits or who possess a comforting and guiding trait. I fear to never allow someone in my life who would see that I am full of love and I can give back. I fear that my past limits my future. I fear that I cannot be transparent about the obstacles in my life that have shaped who I am today. I fear that I will not have an impact on people. I fear that I will never want to show love and accept love because of simply it not working out. I fear having expectations because I have continuously been dissapointed. I wonder if hope and prayer is just this false illusion that comforts us in the moments of despair and hopelessness. I’ve always referred to myself as a meandering lost soul. I continue to search for what my passion and drive is, but not certain of how to apply it to make me successful.

https://ellhines.wordpress.com/2018/04/24/fear

I’ve realized that I desire love, but I want to control it

Keywords: blogs , connection , dating , emotions , feelings , life , lifestyle , love , pain , romance , self awareness , self improvement , trauma , validation , vulnerable

My emotional unavailability is due to me feeling like I have to control how relationships play out. It took me a while to realize that I was seeking validation from the connection more than anything.

https://queenmediacollective.com/2021/08/26/im-emotionally-unavailable-but-i-like-you

I want to love myself again

Keywords: thoughts , mentalhealth , selflovejourney

I know self-love is a journey been there done that. But I didn’t believe or dared to even think that I could lose the love for myself. I fell out of love with myself, which, let me tell you – sucks. I’d like to say of myself that I’m very self-aware -which I still believe I am. However, I don’t understand how I could be self-aware and yet still go down this road of falling “out of love” with myself. I’m not sure how it happened. I do have a few ideas which I’m not going to share publicly because that is a very personal issue, but let’s move on.

https://anitaklos.com/2021/07/07/i-am

When neither of your parents, or anyone in your family has ever really been needy around each other, it doesn’t really set the precedent for you to be open, vulnerable, needy or fragile emotionally

Keywords: general , life , writing , blogging , growing up , life , long read , observations , ranting , thoughts , writing

Strength is praised, weaknesses cause irritation and rectification. Flaws are not to be accommodated, only fixed.

https://mattwilliamsonlive.wordpress.com/2021/06/07/reflections-2